Maybe add an command function under "bugs", I think a lot people don't like to write an mail because that would reveal their e-mail address. Like me. It would be better to show an self drawn picture at your gallery and maybe an sexual scene to give the people an better impression. Also it would be nice if you could release an road map, so we know what you have planned. That would prevent some reposts.
Are you more then one person? Was a bit weird at your the last post, that you don't know if some mistakes were intentional or not. An little signature would be helpful to differentiate you all.
I made an list with suggestions and improvements for the game, but that are two sites, till now and I only finished the first training. I already separated it into three different, for an better overview. The first part could be interesting for other people too. The second one probably just for you. The last part are just bugs and mistakes. Where would you like to have it posted?
I forgot to say. I just want to help. I just make some suggestion with all that and of course no regulations. :) And with all that I don't want to say that your game is bad. I like it, but I think it still needs a lot of work and polishing. Better refer it early, so it's not such an big work, right? See that as my kind of support instead of Patreon.
I'm glad of any support, since the creation of the game is given me hard. Your wishes, suggestions, ideas, any kind of help, I will be very happy. I am a student at the Medical University, medicine is a complicated science. So development of the game for me was very difficult, as running in parallel, I studied hard. You can leave a comment anonymously, select the Comment as: Anonymous.
A lot of the following things are really general stuff and could help other people who are interested at making their own game too. So if you are someone other then the developer, try to read it, even it's an bit more. :D
-You Patreon screen at the game start, change it, it looks really unprofessional. How about you mention some of the benefits people can get? -Rework the tips one day, let the world explain itself, like: "You are such an craven. Hopefully you will end in an fight one day, maybe you will earn trough that an bit courage.", said from an classmate of Gias. Also remove the hint with the relationship gaining. People should figure it out by them self, that talking with people helps with the relationship. -Rework the eyes. Everyone just has an empty stare. -Give us more time each day (maybe even weekends), but limit the effect of the actions so you can't grind too much. (Maybe only two fights each day, before Gias is too exhausted, could be increased be reaching an higher fighting tier, because you build an better stamina now. For the relationship increases, maybe something like, just one plus per person each day, maximum for two persons each day.The increase of the playable hours could give you the chance to make the world more alive. More to that at the next point. -An World that lives so your protagonist can explore it, is an bad world. Give as an world that lives for itself for us to explore: Give the people their own daily rhythm, like for the mom: Waking Gias, cleans the dishes from the breakfast, goes to work or for an little walk to stay fit, cooking lunch, some free time (talking with the neighbor or watching TV), preparing an nice dinner, so the whole family can comes together, more free time, sleeping. -Add an actual chat for the talking option, it's nice to learn about the people and the world. -More conspicuous expressions and reactions from the characters when something happens. You found your hot mother masturbating, you should blush or even droll a bit. You are accidental under the table where your son is masturbating? Blush, try not to look at it, fail misareble and feel bad for starring at your sons big cook. -More flavor text like, before the first time Gias molest one of his family members he should have an little inner conflict or maybe he remembers his inner conflict he had the first time doing this. -Some more body variants would be nice. There some smaller boobs, there an smaller butt and maybe an birthmark on an butt cheek. -Never use an smiley like :) inside an text box. Use an face expression for that. -An guest appearance like Saitooma works best if you hide it in the world instad of throwing it us in our face.
Change Gias introduction to his teacher. No one with an rare name would say something so unclear for it. Let him say something more well known and specific, like: I'm Gias, like the Gias from Attack of the Tritons. -Shorten the waiting time in the class, at first I thought the game crashed. -Give the 'wander' option at least an little placeholder, so we know what that option will do in the future. -When the mom is masturbating, show us she is there, not only an lonely bed. I heard that there are some sexual RPG maker animation, maybe even for masturbating. Same with the Sisters and the massage. -You can't interact with Saitooma before he talks with you. It's a little bit strange. -Can't really understand what happens with Gias, when he finds his sisters while the massage. Did they noticed him and he collapsed out of shame? Could be an little clearer there and why she is suddenly fully clothed? -There is an wrong picture while in battle. Would be better if we could see the enemy and not only Gias how he fainted on an pink screen, right? -The conversation with the nurse is confusing too. He just got beaten, it didn't seemed as he wanted to fight them, also he don't have to repeat to him self that he should sleep. If you go straight to Saitooma, before you were at school, he dosn''t say something, maybe he should advise Gias to go to his class first. -You can't talk with your blond sister after she mentioned her request and you don't fulfill the even requirement. If there is an requirement. -Also you can't have an normal conversation with Gaby... maybe add an "I'm Sorry" after her "I'm tired." -Maybe recolor his dick head, also an short cum animation or one or two cum shoot's shown would be good.
Spelling/grammar Mistakes: One the first day after Gias saw his mother masturbating. As he want to start a new Battlebrim Should be probably "the new". -After that, it would sound better with "But where I can earn some money" or "But where I can get some money" instead of "But where I can take some money". -After that, the sentence about the old neighborhood and the note sounds strange. I think it would be better like this: Maybe it's time to check the old neighborhood and what this note is about. -A bit after Gias got scared from the bouncer, "I sould go meet them", his sisters concerning -After that, his mom. I was worried, not I'm was worried. -After the ass massage at mom, I should go before she wakes up instead of I should go until she wakes up. -The whole conversation in the morning with the mother sounds strange and is thereby a little unclear. I think it could be: Gias: Why aren't my sisters awake? Mom: Because their classes are starting later. -When Saitooma talks the first time with you. He saw you yesterday, not tonight. -At the park with Saitooma. Correct would be, Gias: "What is he talking about." Saitooma: ... I can teach you some fighting techniques, with them you will be able to beat those assholes. A little bit later, Saitooma: Does it look like I'm kidding? -After the park, Mom: We have no bread. Would you buy one tomorrow after school? -When Gias get's his massage, Gabi says something unclear about her swimsuit. I think it should be something like this. Does it bother you, that I put my swimsuit on? -At the first time at she shop, it should be: (You helped the woman up and replace the stuff) or maybe just "place the suff" can't say if it was on the shelf before or not. Also it's just, Woman: Thank you a lot, little boy. Remove the :) after her next text. A bit later, Gias should say: I' like to earn an penny too, but .... -When you try to work there, before you bought the bread, it would be better If Gias said: I should bring mom the bread first. -At the hospital, it should be: Perhaps I should refer to Saitooma... -At the first training with Saitooma, it should be like: ... and when I think you are ready to fight... Gias should say a bit after that: "And that's all?" Were up on Saitooma should say: You want more?
At the end I would like to mention, that I'm not an native English speaker, so there still could be some mistakes in my list. Also even that are a lot of things, I want to repeat myself, I like your game and wish you the best for it.
Thank you very much for paying attention to my grammatical mistakes, because I do not know English very well. All what you wrote, I will take into consideration in the next update, and will try to fix it all.
-Maybe a few interactions with stuff at home, so we can learn more about the family. -There is no reason to work at the shop at the moment, maybe an +1 with Judy or even an +1 courage could help. -On the sidewalk before Gias home, on the left side is an walking man, who doesn't say anything. -At the night, you can't play with Norry. Maybe just because the courage level is too low for her? -An function to skip the scene we already saw would be nice too. -You have the option to jerk off on your bed, but you can't. -Why wears Norry an pair of cat ears, but not, when you talk to her? -The one thug shouldn't lend you some money. He doesn't know you, also you already have an other way to earn money, even it's terrible slow. -Can't buy anything at the store. Gias says he didn't have any time for shopping. -After school if you walk down the stairs at home. The same thing always happens, when you try to talk to Judy. -Did you changed something at the hit chance at the fights or it's just my bad luck that I miss so much? -Learned something at level 2, but didn't got an new skill. Same at level 4. -Trough her nighttime visit it seems a bit to easy to get points with Norry. -At night, you there is an invisible block at the lower right corner at the bathroom. -Maybe change the teaching event with the teacher, below the "ask an question" option after the first time. -B rank fight, you earn 50$ more then promised. -For the future, an way to learn more about Judy, at the moment there is no talk option which could do that. -Even I really like it, it doesn't seems right that Gias licks his sister, while she gives him an special massage. Also there should be an different 'after talk'. Same with Norry and maybe change the scene into an sitting one, would fit better. -At the bath, Gias is missing his man nipple, seems strangely empty. -The second bath scene, maybe add some foam and an little "well, know I have to wash myself again" or "would you repay the favor now?" from his mother -Are there no nighttime play scenes with Norry? -Jackie of at computer sounds a bit childish. -The second under the computer event stage, maybe she could open her mouth a bit or taste a bit with an lick? -Maybe Judy could wink sometimes, that would point out some playfulness and confidence.
I think I saw now every bit of content, besides the gallery and the fights, higher as A. I really like your maps, they are really good. The same goes for your animations. Keep up the good work!
-The talk with the bouncer before the first fight "Hey kid, didn't you understood it the first time?" After Gias won the fight: "Actually, I'm surprised by myself." -With the first man after that fight, Gias: " Well, I won the fight with the convict that stood at the entrance" the man later: "This was unexpected... You look like a dweeb... " After his next sentences, "And here we have..." -Gias to the cat at the shop: "What is he doing in here?" -Judy, after you helped her: "It's already late, you should go home." -If you try to go to school an second time, it should be: "I was already in the school today." -Blond school girl: "What are you looking for?" -Other school girl: "I'm an excellent pupil! Go study." -The blond guy at the school is a but unclear, but I think it should be like: "The school is so much fun!" -Gaby: "You want one more massage?" Could you point her camealtoe a bit more out? :p After the massage: "I'm glad to hear it. -Norry: "So, Gias, did you already decided?" It would sound an bit better if Gias just would say after that: "I agree, but only for one picture." At the moment it doesn't make much sense. He says he would do that only once, but you can repeat it. While the drawing, maybe awkward would be better then confusing. -Norry after the first draw time: "Well, shall we draw?" -After an fight, he should say: "You are quite good at fighting..." -While Norrys nighttime visit, it's a bit unclear for me what Gias is thinking. A bit after that, maybe would be better: "Oh no, I'm already going to cum, damn." If you didn't wake up, "probably nothing", would be better -Judy +15 scene, "...her tits are rubbing at my back!" -Gabby +25 massage: How are you there? Okay? Gias: Yes, everything is amazing! -Drawing scene +25 with Norry. Seems a bit strange that she ask Gias if it okay to undress, after she already done that. -Mom under the computer scene: "Shit, I was just looking for my USB flash drive.... That's bad" -Judy +25 scene, maybe something like, Judy:"It's just an power cut, we have that quite often." After that, Gias; "Wh..what is this?" Maybe add an small rub animation. After that, Gias: "...I'll go looking for an flashlight." -Norry +45 night visit, Gias: "Why is she doing this?"after that, her instead of his. He never dreamed of something like this? Why he is lying to himself? :) -Pussy teasing at the mother, Gias "This feeling is wonderful." -Judy +35, "I didn't had sex for an long time..." After that, maybe,"Why I should care?" Later Gias: "Oh shit, I'm sorry that I came in you.." Her butt seems a bit too big. -Teacher +65 event, "I was previously a nurse, I have to help you." (Why did I lying?) Gias: (With the help of an mouth?!...)
Maybe add an command function under "bugs", I think a lot people don't like to write an mail because that would reveal their e-mail address. Like me.
ReplyDeleteIt would be better to show an self drawn picture at your gallery and maybe an sexual scene to give the people an better impression.
Also it would be nice if you could release an road map, so we know what you have planned. That would prevent some reposts.
Are you more then one person? Was a bit weird at your the last post, that you don't know if some mistakes were intentional or not. An little signature would be helpful to differentiate you all.
I made an list with suggestions and improvements for the game, but that are two sites, till now and I only finished the first training. I already separated it into three different, for an better overview. The first part could be interesting for other people too. The second one probably just for you. The last part are just bugs and mistakes. Where would you like to have it posted?
I forgot to say. I just want to help. I just make some suggestion with all that and of course no regulations. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd with all that I don't want to say that your game is bad. I like it, but I think it still needs a lot of work and polishing. Better refer it early, so it's not such an big work, right? See that as my kind of support instead of Patreon.
I'm glad of any support, since the creation of the game is given me hard. Your wishes, suggestions, ideas, any kind of help, I will be very happy. I am a student at the Medical University, medicine is a complicated science. So development of the game for me was very difficult, as running in parallel, I studied hard. You can leave a comment anonymously, select the Comment as: Anonymous.
ReplyDeleteNow I have more free time, so I plan to spend on the development of significantly more time.
ReplyDeletePS: I'm one person.
A lot of the following things are really general stuff and could help other people who are interested at making their own game too. So if you are someone other then the developer, try to read it, even it's an bit more. :D
ReplyDelete-You Patreon screen at the game start, change it, it looks really unprofessional. How about you mention some of the benefits people can get?
-Rework the tips one day, let the world explain itself, like: "You are such an craven. Hopefully you will end in an fight one day, maybe you will earn trough that an bit courage.", said from an classmate of Gias. Also remove the hint with the relationship gaining. People should figure it out by them self, that talking with people helps with the relationship.
-Rework the eyes. Everyone just has an empty stare.
-Give us more time each day (maybe even weekends), but limit the effect of the actions so you can't grind too much. (Maybe only two fights each day, before Gias is too exhausted, could be increased be reaching an higher fighting tier, because you build an better stamina now. For the relationship increases, maybe something like, just one plus per person each day, maximum for two persons each day.The increase of the playable hours could give you the chance to make the world more alive. More to that at the next point.
-An World that lives so your protagonist can explore it, is an bad world. Give as an world that lives for itself for us to explore:
Give the people their own daily rhythm, like for the mom: Waking Gias, cleans the dishes from the breakfast, goes to work or for an little walk to stay fit, cooking lunch, some free time (talking with the neighbor or watching TV), preparing an nice dinner, so the whole family can comes together, more free time, sleeping.
-Add an actual chat for the talking option, it's nice to learn about the people and the world.
-More conspicuous expressions and reactions from the characters when something happens. You found your hot mother masturbating, you should blush or even droll a bit. You are accidental under the table where your son is masturbating? Blush, try not to look at it, fail misareble and feel bad for starring at your sons big cook.
-More flavor text like, before the first time Gias molest one of his family members he should have an little inner conflict or maybe he remembers his inner conflict he had the first time doing this.
-Some more body variants would be nice. There some smaller boobs, there an smaller butt and maybe an birthmark on an butt cheek.
-Never use an smiley like :) inside an text box. Use an face expression for that.
-An guest appearance like Saitooma works best if you hide it in the world instad of throwing it us in our face.
More game specific stuff:
DeleteChange Gias introduction to his teacher. No one with an rare name would say something so unclear for it. Let him say something more well known and specific, like: I'm Gias, like the Gias from Attack of the Tritons.
-Shorten the waiting time in the class, at first I thought the game crashed.
-Give the 'wander' option at least an little placeholder, so we know what that option will do in the future.
-When the mom is masturbating, show us she is there, not only an lonely bed. I heard that there are some sexual RPG maker animation, maybe even for masturbating. Same with the Sisters and the massage.
-You can't interact with Saitooma before he talks with you. It's a little bit strange.
-Can't really understand what happens with Gias, when he finds his sisters while the massage. Did they noticed him and he collapsed out of shame? Could be an little clearer there and why she is suddenly fully clothed?
-There is an wrong picture while in battle. Would be better if we could see the enemy and not only Gias how he fainted on an pink screen, right?
-The conversation with the nurse is confusing too. He just got beaten, it didn't seemed as he wanted to fight them, also he don't have to repeat to him self that he should sleep.
If you go straight to Saitooma, before you were at school, he dosn''t say something, maybe he should advise Gias to go to his class first.
-You can't talk with your blond sister after she mentioned her request and you don't fulfill the even requirement. If there is an requirement.
-Also you can't have an normal conversation with Gaby... maybe add an "I'm Sorry" after her "I'm tired."
-Maybe recolor his dick head, also an short cum animation or one or two cum shoot's shown would be good.
Spelling/grammar Mistakes:
DeleteOne the first day after Gias saw his mother masturbating. As he want to start a new Battlebrim Should be probably "the new".
-After that, it would sound better with "But where I can earn some money" or "But where I can get some money" instead of "But where I can take some money".
-After that, the sentence about the old neighborhood and the note sounds strange. I think it would be better like this: Maybe it's time to check the old neighborhood and what this note is about.
-A bit after Gias got scared from the bouncer, "I sould go meet them", his sisters concerning
-After that, his mom. I was worried, not I'm was worried.
-After the ass massage at mom, I should go before she wakes up instead of I should go until she wakes up.
-The whole conversation in the morning with the mother sounds strange and is thereby a little unclear. I think it could be: Gias: Why aren't my sisters awake? Mom: Because their classes are starting later.
-When Saitooma talks the first time with you. He saw you yesterday, not tonight.
-At the park with Saitooma. Correct would be, Gias: "What is he talking about." Saitooma: ... I can teach you some fighting techniques, with them you will be able to beat those assholes.
A little bit later, Saitooma: Does it look like I'm kidding?
-After the park, Mom: We have no bread. Would you buy one tomorrow after school?
-When Gias get's his massage, Gabi says something unclear about her swimsuit. I think it should be something like this. Does it bother you, that I put my swimsuit on?
-At the first time at she shop, it should be: (You helped the woman up and replace the stuff) or maybe just "place the suff" can't say if it was on the shelf before or not. Also it's just, Woman: Thank you a lot, little boy. Remove the :) after her next text. A bit later, Gias should say: I' like to earn an penny too, but ....
-When you try to work there, before you bought the bread, it would be better If Gias said: I should bring mom the bread first.
-At the hospital, it should be: Perhaps I should refer to Saitooma...
-At the first training with Saitooma, it should be like: ... and when I think you are ready to fight...
Gias should say a bit after that: "And that's all?" Were up on Saitooma should say: You want more?
At the end I would like to mention, that I'm not an native English speaker, so there still could be some mistakes in my list. Also even that are a lot of things, I want to repeat myself, I like your game and wish you the best for it.
DeleteThank you very much for paying attention to my grammatical mistakes, because I do not know English very well. All what you wrote, I will take into consideration in the next update, and will try to fix it all.
Delete-Maybe a few interactions with stuff at home, so we can learn more about the family.
Delete-There is no reason to work at the shop at the moment, maybe an +1 with Judy or even an +1 courage could help.
-On the sidewalk before Gias home, on the left side is an walking man, who doesn't say anything.
-At the night, you can't play with Norry. Maybe just because the courage level is too low for her?
-An function to skip the scene we already saw would be nice too.
-You have the option to jerk off on your bed, but you can't.
-Why wears Norry an pair of cat ears, but not, when you talk to her?
-The one thug shouldn't lend you some money. He doesn't know you, also you already have an other way to earn money, even it's terrible slow.
-Can't buy anything at the store. Gias says he didn't have any time for shopping.
-After school if you walk down the stairs at home. The same thing always happens, when you try to talk to Judy.
-Did you changed something at the hit chance at the fights or it's just my bad luck that I miss so much?
-Learned something at level 2, but didn't got an new skill. Same at level 4.
-Trough her nighttime visit it seems a bit to easy to get points with Norry.
-At night, you there is an invisible block at the lower right corner at the bathroom.
-Maybe change the teaching event with the teacher, below the "ask an question" option after the first time.
-B rank fight, you earn 50$ more then promised.
-For the future, an way to learn more about Judy, at the moment there is no talk option which could do that.
-Even I really like it, it doesn't seems right that Gias licks his sister, while she gives him an special massage. Also there should be an different 'after talk'. Same with Norry and maybe change the scene into an sitting one, would fit better.
-At the bath, Gias is missing his man nipple, seems strangely empty.
-The second bath scene, maybe add some foam and an little "well, know I have to wash myself again" or "would you repay the favor now?" from his mother
-Are there no nighttime play scenes with Norry?
-Jackie of at computer sounds a bit childish.
-The second under the computer event stage, maybe she could open her mouth a bit or taste a bit with an lick?
-Maybe Judy could wink sometimes, that would point out some playfulness and confidence.
I think I saw now every bit of content, besides the gallery and the fights, higher as A.
I really like your maps, they are really good. The same goes for your animations. Keep up the good work!
More Spelling/grammar Mistakes:
Delete-The talk with the bouncer before the first fight "Hey kid, didn't you understood it the first time?"
After Gias won the fight: "Actually, I'm surprised by myself."
-With the first man after that fight, Gias: " Well, I won the fight with the convict that stood at the entrance" the man later: "This was unexpected... You look like a dweeb... " After his next sentences, "And here we have..."
-Gias to the cat at the shop: "What is he doing in here?"
-Judy, after you helped her: "It's already late, you should go home."
-If you try to go to school an second time, it should be: "I was already in the school today."
-Blond school girl: "What are you looking for?"
-Other school girl: "I'm an excellent pupil! Go study."
-The blond guy at the school is a but unclear, but I think it should be like: "The school is so much fun!"
-Gaby: "You want one more massage?" Could you point her camealtoe a bit more out? :p
After the massage: "I'm glad to hear it.
-Norry: "So, Gias, did you already decided?" It would sound an bit better if Gias just would say after that: "I agree, but only for one picture." At the moment it doesn't make much sense. He says he would do that only once, but you can repeat it. While the drawing, maybe awkward would be better then confusing.
-Norry after the first draw time: "Well, shall we draw?"
-After an fight, he should say: "You are quite good at fighting..."
-While Norrys nighttime visit, it's a bit unclear for me what Gias is thinking. A bit after that, maybe would be better: "Oh no, I'm already going to cum, damn."
If you didn't wake up, "probably nothing", would be better
-Judy +15 scene, "...her tits are rubbing at my back!"
-Gabby +25 massage: How are you there? Okay? Gias: Yes, everything is amazing!
-Drawing scene +25 with Norry. Seems a bit strange that she ask Gias if it okay to undress, after she already done that.
-Mom under the computer scene: "Shit, I was just looking for my USB flash drive.... That's bad"
-Judy +25 scene, maybe something like, Judy:"It's just an power cut, we have that quite often." After that, Gias; "Wh..what is this?" Maybe add an small rub animation. After that, Gias: "...I'll go looking for an flashlight."
-Norry +45 night visit, Gias: "Why is she doing this?"after that, her instead of his. He never dreamed of something like this? Why he is lying to himself? :)
-Pussy teasing at the mother, Gias "This feeling is wonderful."
-Judy +35, "I didn't had sex for an long time..." After that, maybe,"Why I should care?" Later Gias: "Oh shit, I'm sorry that I came in you.." Her butt seems a bit too big.
-Teacher +65 event, "I was previously a nurse, I have to help you." (Why did I lying?) Gias: (With the help of an mouth?!...)